as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
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