So drunk, too bad you don't want this
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
