Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
