woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
