Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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