i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
