apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize