Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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