My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
