I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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