eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
