my room smells like sperm. sweet.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
this just has baby written all over it
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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