she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
