I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Randomize
