I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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