Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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