I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize