I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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