So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
