the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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