Where did you get a picture of my penis
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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