Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
