My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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