So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
