Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
