It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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