Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
