At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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