guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
