I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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