can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
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