I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
