she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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