repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
