Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Randomize
