Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
MIDGETS
????
Bring me that man meat
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
