forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
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we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
i now understand why vodka
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
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