i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
