My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.