On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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