i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
