Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?