its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Randomize
