just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
