That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
