Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
