I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
