Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
