is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
