You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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