I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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