you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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