...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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