Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Randomize
