hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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