"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Randomize