He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
whose ass print is on the piano?
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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