there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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