wat bout pragnant strippers??
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
my god I love twenty year old dicks
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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