If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
We need a shit load of segways right now
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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