Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Randomize
