I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
