Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
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