how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
