so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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