Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
