??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
This is my life. Enjoy the view
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
