Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
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A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
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I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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