Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
