I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
