You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Randomize
