i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Who died my cat blue again?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
