he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
