i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Panties = found
Randomize
