my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
