Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
