Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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