when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Randomize
