I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I think I sprained my soul last night
This is the high leading the old right now
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
