The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
