If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Randomize