Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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