Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Randomize
