i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
