I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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