Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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