Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Randomize
