I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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