Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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