Will you blow on my dice?
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
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