some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Randomize
