Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I skipped work to stalk him.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
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