i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
