You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
