you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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