so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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