You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
